lifestyle of the rich and famous

I live like a normal lady of the 21st century. Some said that i live like a rich person that can buy anything that i like with the help of cash and some "magic cards". Do i look like one? Some of my friends said that "akak orang kaya, boleh shopping kat mana2, beli barang2 mahal2, berjenama, mekap pun mahal so muka nampak cantik"..." mana2 you pegi ada jek orang tegur and kenal, tak macam i kawan2 boleh dikira ngan jari jek".....these are some words that i got from my friends and to tell the truth, i never thought that i am living in the world of "rich and famous". I work hard so i deserved myself a self-reward every time i received the "token" of my hardship.

I was born in an average family meaning that there was no "silver spoon" in my mouth. My dad, he is a hardworking man who are responsible to "bring back the bacon" by doing chores in his own farm, that time we don't have electricity and proper water supply in our house. After the government expended the electricity and proper water supply we can live a lot better. When i go to school my friends started to talk about how handsome and cute Michael J. Fox was after watching "Back To The Future!"....and me?...I have no idea of what they were talking and started to be silent and move away from them coz...i don't have tv set in my house...

When the new school season is opened, all my friends will start to show their new uniform, new pencil, new ruler, new eraser, new bag, new pencil case all with branded items and of course it is very expensive for my father to afford it for me...so i came up with my own design of pencil case that i hand-sew it by myself. I remember the time that i can only dream to have a bugs bunny printed character on a pencil case when my friend showed her's because i know that my father will not buy that for me as there are many other urgent matters that the money will goes into. But i never regret or feel bad about it coz i understand, it is not easy for my father to support 10 family members by working as self-employee in his not-so-big kebun.

Now with my parents education and supports, I managed to redeem what i have been dream of and even more. I have good job, better income, and can afford a very nice car, a house, and some other nice stuffs that every women wants....all by my hard work. And making more friends is what i like because i want to share what have been given to me as well as my experience.

So the truth is....i am not living or enjoying the lifestyle of the rich and famous. I know where did i started from and i am honored and proud of who i am and what i am made of.

New Hijrah 1432

Again..It's been a long time that I have not written any posts to my blog. And again...I got a busy lifestyle even though it's a cliche'. Things happen so fast and unexpected..that is why people say that time won't wait...I agree coz sometimes I feel that I have wasted so many times doing things that are not so planned and yes even that I have realised that I have wasted so many times but I keep repeating the same routine. I know that I can accomplished many things if I set my mind straight and aiming for what it has to be done.

Well then think positive and straight...with new dawn of Hijrah I believe I need to set my goal and aiming to what I have to do months or even years ago. It's time to restart and regain the confidence of aiming for the best...well.... I do it not because of others but for myself. Again...some people might say that they work hard for appraisal and reward from their superior but for me I work hard because I want to achieve my goal and standard plus it's my responsibility to accomplish a good standard of work....and the award that i received was because I deserved it.

Should..?

So another week passes by...and now it's the end of September. I have mix feelings of getting to the end of this year 2010...December is approaching and I have like 3 months of everything to work my plan...as sooo many things going on for the past 9 months, I need to make sure that everything has to work as plan (luckily that I didn't make any new year resolution...just a "wish list" so to called). Some of the thing that I have "wished" was completing the application as along as the final preparation for my PhD. Is there any progress of that?....well i have to say that...it's moving not progressing due to many "aral melintang" kind of obstacle plus my own state of readiness...

Speaking of readiness, I was actually having this kind of feeling of contemplating between the urge to pursue my PhD first or "putting the ring" or the other way round...honestly I was not not sure about this...and does this means that I am ready to "commit"?...I am not really sure about what I should go first now...but one thing for sure is I am so excited of getting my own house soon....

TO BE CONTINUED....

the truth is...sometimes i try sometimes i cry

Still in the mood of "raya"....well it's in Johore..we celebrate Eid for a month...lots of frens to be visited...long lost relatives...etc..etc..etc. So what did I enjoy most of the celebration...? Not so much on shopping coz am still in the state of "freezing" myself from the "urge"...but I do went for shopping though BUT I shoppe for my brother and sisters plus my nephew (he losts his father at the age of 5 month..5 years ago)...so giving him the hapiness of "raya" is a joy to me.

And off course when more people come and "raya"...people will ask the "evergreen" question to me....honestly..am not tired and feel sucks..but I feel rather worried and doubt...

One of my former student said this to me.."Miss ni saya tengok rilek jek...bila lg miss? Nanti kalau miss mati tak ada sapa nk doakan"....honestly I did not feel offended by his statement but I was quite stunned and later replied to him that...it's not that I wasn't thinking bout my "second phase" of my life but I believe that the day will come soon and I don't now when...but soon..when the time is finally arrived...and honestly that am still waiting for that moment and day to come...believe me..I've tried and still trying...but it's not easy...

When Secrets Become a Burden...

I believe that most of us do have secrets and keep secrets of others. No matter how big the secret is some people would die to keep it and some others are dying to know the secrets. So what makes one person attached to the promises of keeping the secrets to his/herself? Was it because of the trust? Was it because you are a good "secret keeper"? ...or in more serious cases some people "promise" to keep the secret but later broke the promise for the sake of his/herself?
Let's forget about those who are "expert" in breaking the promises coz nothing worth to discuss about them...but let's step in to the "shoes" of the person who are really trustworthy...the person who can keep the secrets and because we trust them with heart and soul..what was the feeling of being the person of trust and how much secrets can we throw to them by having the 360 degrees of trust that they will keep your secrets?

Walking with their "shoes" is definately going to give us a very different perspective...imagine how much secrets do they know and how strong they are to uphold all secrets from being spurred? Are they strong enough to keep all the secrets including "dirty' secrets? Has this ever came across your mind...that secrets can sometimes be a "burden" to these people? Ever wonder that they also have limitation? Can you feel that sometimes they wanted to be freed from all the "burden"? How long can they stick to the plan of being "partner in crime"?

Do u really like my shoes?

"At the moment I feel that I hate myself. I always wonder why I can't be like u. So enjoyable to be with n so pleasant to talk to and funny n always have something interesting to talk about"

Those are text messages that I received from my buddy who is now studying in Aussie for her PhD. The fact that she is a very strong and independent woman but yet she said that she can't fit in and wonder if she could be like me....

The truth is sometimes I feel like trying to be in her "shoes" as well..but come to think of her "feelings" I should consider myself as lucky coz people likes me and the truth is this is not the first time that people said that they are happy to be with me. So I told my friend that in order to fit in... sometimes we need to be like what they want...I mean show your "happy mask" and hide your "sorrow" and for most of the time try to smile coz people don't really care why u are unhappy except somebody or friends who really care for you...

promises and lies

To some people making promises are easy as well as breaking it...but what do they thinking when making all these promises?..do they know that when promises are made it meant to be kept or bounded with it?

Well i don't know about other people but I have made a promise to somebody about how I wanna change my life from being not nobody to somebody...Allah knows how I wanna break that promise but concerning the trust that has been built and I don't wanna be a bad person...I try my very hard to fight myself to keep my promise at its place.

Spells meant to be broken but promises meant to be bounded...

Inspiring to inspire

Another days gone by and I started to realise that my blog need to be updated with more nice, motivating and inspiring quote. Well...anyone will start to blame the time and 24 7 is still not enough for many...guess if we are been given the whole world is still not enough to feed the greedy soul....
Talking about inspire...well not many people can do that because it takes so many things to inspire and being inspired...so? does it hard to inspire people?...hmm..actually not coz people live are because of reasons...reasons that makes them different and inspire different group of people.

what song are u?

I read a newspaper article last week...it was about how songs can affect your life, motivation and how do you perceive this world. Yeah...for many people they might have their own so called "our song" to reminisce different memories (bitter or sweet) throughout their precious life...the song can be in different genre to describe different mood for example if am furious then a "head-banging" kinda song is my choice and when I'm broken then I would go for the same genre too or the song that motivates me back...and my all time favorite is "Breakaway" by Kelly Clarkson..

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes ?til I touch the sky
And I'll make a wish, take a chance, make a change
And breakaway

Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget all the ones that I loved
I'll take a risk, take a chance, make a change
And breakaway

betrayed everyone?

I was having a casual conversation with my colleagues about work and how things has changed after few years of "inhaling" some bad influences to our life. As the times goes by we agreed that for some reasons we are very happy of what things has become now...but it comes to my mind of some people said that we should cherish the moment that we enjoy while we still can and don't ever look back. Speaking of looking back...during our "catastrophic" time..we both have experienced the taste of betrayal and being betrayed by somebody that most of all know..."best friend" a.k.a "the person that you trust"...we shared our thoughts and feelings about this matter and I admitted to her that for what "the person that you trust" did to me has landed some remarkable "stain" in my profile..that is...I will never trust people again...and does it true that we should trust only ourselves and couldn't agree more that...."it takes years to build up trust but only second to destroy it"...

life is good when someone cares for you

I admit that I was ignoring or rather "loosing grip" of this blog as I have long been hooked up with so many things happened in my life lately. The ups and downs in my life has made me a really though girl (i believe so). I was once so upset and down of disastrous "curiosity" by some people of why am I still single..I guess that's the curse of single lady like me. What made me stood out of these "disastrous moments" was the people who stood up before me...friends & family..they were the best thing I had ever have...their support, care, love and understanding has made me realised that how life is so good by having all of them that care for me and I guess I need to be with all the people who cares, loves and supports for others...and this is how i wanna say it...fazita cares back!

busy...

i realised that it is been such a long time that i have not make any post for my blog...i guess this phrase is kinda cliche'.."been busy and no time to blog"..the truth is i have so many things going on with my life lately..."busy" is the term but sometimes "busy" can be an escapism of "poor time management" or maybe is just "slip of the tongue"..
so what was "busy" means in my life lately...well..i believe that more responsibilities are being put on my shoulder..one of it was to prepare a very important paperwork for a executive diploma for my faculty. i have anticipated total haywire and mess for taking this responsibility..but i took it and to prove myself that i can take the challenge and best of all i am a responsible person..
there are times that i feel blocked and wanted to quit after realising that i was actually doing the "unfinished job" of other people who are ignorance and reluctant (that's what i believe but i'm sure he/she would have the cliche' statement..so busy and no time to do it..come on..) It was sad but i know that i have to think and take this positively...i just hope that i will all end well...fingers cross..

people come and go

have you ever thought that one day you could lose someone that you love or close with? how would be the feeling like? and what would you do?
i wanna share my conversation with one of the "ustazah" in my workplace (actually i love being along & among the "ustazah" and "ustaz" coz they are the most resourceful person when it comes to motivation, self-confidence, beliefs & faith) well...she told me that her late husband explained to her that he'll give 60% of his time to the wife and the other percentage will go to his time with friends and other things that he enjoyed doing it. a similar thought was told by my senior back in my first degree studies, she also reminds me of not giving a 100% to what we like or love..reason is when all these are gone we will not feel totally down and upset because of the lost. i guess that is what i have applied in my life of not giving a 100% portion into what i like and love because i realised that one day it could all be gone.
with all things happen around me such as loosing friends ( i never consider them as friends coz they are not there when u need them)..yup loosing these people has never affected my life in total because i know that they are gone for good...and i also got the best thing..enjoying my life and moment to the fullest!

of being a single

I had a very truthful moment when i was YM(ing) with my former student last nite. We were discussing about how good and bad of being a single. We both agree that being a single is quite easy I mean we are more independent and free to choose and do what we want because there is no string attached BUT we are also agree that it is undeniable that sometimes we need somebody to share things, feelings, happiness, sadness etc.

Being a single at my age...some might say that I must be the "memilih" type..honestly YES!..I mean who needs just any type of man..even a criminal would go for somebody who are "beriman, baik tingkah laku, sopan etc. So definitely we have to make our choice and believe me... it is not as easy as choosing or picking up fresh fish from the market! We are dealing with a very soft part of our life...the heart..

Should you trust your heart then... of choosing the rite person, your soul-mate, your other-half etc.? The answer is YES and NO..because as human being we are fully-furnished with "hati & perasaan serta akal yang sangat mantap!"...so use all these equipment to look for the one that is rite for you...even though it's going to take ages to find one!

life goes on

It has been 3 days since the lost of Almarhum Sultan Johor and the whole corner of Johore are now in grief for 7 days. I am not sure about others but I can feel the sorrow around me but things must get going..I still need to conduct lectures and doing tasks that was given to me last week...guess that this is where we need to think that life must go on...but don't forget to take a glimpse of the past..

i don't know how to say it

its going to be a hard and boring this week. i couldn't say what is my condition after 3 weeks of lectures & tutorial classes but one thing for sure that i'm a bit suprised, glad and lost! Surprised because after 3 weeks gone i am still having empty class besides chairs and annoying sound of the air-conditioner but NO STUDENTS!..Glad because this semester i got less teaching hours BUT its to early to confirm coz based on last semester's incedent at a very last minute & a very last tutorial weeks i got extra class. I feel lost coz i still dont know what sholud i work on my Ph.D proposal topic even though i have lots of ideas but no FOCUS!

bila lagi.....PART 2

On my way to class today, one of my former student who is now in his final year studying engineering asked me.."bila nak walimah?" and I replied .."selagi tak ada gosip2 tu diam2 je..". Hahaha..I feel kinda funny for the answer but thats the safest feedback that i could think off..

Another situation..one of "Makcik Cleaner" here in my work place and she is one of the makcik(s) that i knew..asking me quite a similar tone kinda question.."Hai... teringin nak makan nasi minyak Fazita..bila lagi?"..my reply.."Nasi minyak?? bila2 saya boleh bawak makcik pegi makan.."..hahaha another case close..ermm I mean for that moment...

Similar situation...while i'm YM'ing (pls don't use this term for official purpose..just my expression..hehe) with a friend..one of the topic that poped-up is about making choices..he give me a very good and interesting analogy..between BUFFET & TABLE DHOTE (he's the hotcat expert..that's why). He said that..BUFFET is there a lotta choices that you can chose from...TABLE DHOTE is u have to take only that.... mean no choice .. decision is from your parents.

Well...is it hard for one to make excuses and choices? What would you do if you are in my shoes?

Mad World?

When i first listening to this song sung by Adam Lambert (AI gay) i fell in love but i'm doing my analysis on the lyrics to figure out something...

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for the daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
And their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression

Hide my head I wanna drown my sorrows
No tomorrow, no tomorrow
And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I ever had
I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very very,
Mad world, Mad world

Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy birthday, happy birthday
May they feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson
Look right through me, look right through me

And I find it kind of funny,I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very very
Mad world, Mad world
Mad world, Mad world

What do you think?

new dawn..new horizon

It's the begining of a new year of 2010. I believe most of us are now having plans, dreams and determination in hand to embark on this new page of our life. Where many people tend to have their new year resolution..we sometimes fall to the trends..in where at the end of each year we end-up of not achieving what we have planned or maybe dreamt for.

In my shoes I strongly believe that we don't need to have every new year or the good one to realise what we have plan and dream. It is strongly depends on our own effort as what my "Ustazah & Ustaz" remind me.."ALLAH tidak akan mengubah nasib seseorang kecuali dia berusaha...." If we success then we should be thankful and if we fail we shouldn't be sad coz we still have ALLAH to be a shoulder to cry on...

Perhaps I must state what are my plans & dreams for my next page of life..well..how about double-up my effort to be a better person and some seriousness in building up good/better mars & venus MOU..