How many times do we promise (or maybe it sounds like it) to people that have asked you the same question again and again? Do we just say 'Yes' or 'Ok' or "I'll make sure of that" only because it is the only way to escape from feeling guilty or burdened by it? In reality we are really not sure bout it...about what we have said to them. Are those just escapism or is it just plain excuses?
I was in that situation when my big boss asked me "When will you be gone for your PhD?" (actually I have anticipated this question will be asked by him soon)...and my answer was "Don't worry Prof. I will make sure that I'll be gone this year". His reaction was...'Okay that is your promise'..and my reaction was.."Ermmm i guess...(in my mind and heart I have to be deadly serious of leaving this campus for my PhD!!)". I realised now how serious they are about wanting me to be gone for my PhD and I was so nervous bout that as I was once said to myself that I won't go this far for my education but because of my future career development wants me to do this so I have decided that I am serious about this.....and therefore I have submitted my application to KPT and they are waiting for my offer letter from the respective U.
So what went wrong here?...why am I still here doing the same routine? I should have been gone for my study following my other closest frens' footsteps (actually that was the original plan) but what held me up?
I should not blame the process, I should not blame everyone...so clearly it was my FAULT...it was about me the whole time...BUT wait!!! I shouldn't be blamed totally...there are few things that I did work my a** hard out...I did! but the process has let me down, the 'other' person also didn't give me the assistance that is needed...yea in the end it goes back to us...rite? We shouldn't blame others.....
So what I can say for myself is....I have to be deadly serious this time, taking chances, push away all the distractions, focus only on my goal...PhD!!! Full stop
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